Death, Grief, and Loss: My Life Experience

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Fear is one of the things we all have in common. It’s something we’ll eventually meet along in our life. Sometimes our fear leads us to something great at the end, yet there are times when it haunts us. It even scars us for life.

facing your fears
Photo via Pinterest

I have a few fears in life; to name some, I’m scared of spiders (or any creepy looking insects), a ghost (I know I’m too old for this), failure, and death. The last one is what I want to share in here today.

Death, it’s a common fear of a lot of people. The truth is our fear of death originates from not knowing what comes next. We don’t know what lies ahead of death. All we know is that once you are face to face with it, everything around you becomes irrelevant. But, no matter how hard we try to run away from it it will always come knocking at our door. Death will always be part of our life.

What Grief Looks Like?

There’s a difference when you are the one facing death, and if you are the person who’s about to lose someone you love. When I lose my mother, I thought that experiencing death would be similar in the movies. But no, it wasn’t like that. I felt empty the moment she was gone. I kept thinking is this grief? Does grief feel like you don’t feel anything at all? And at that moment I realized that grief is a process. There are times you don’t think of it. However, there are times when it hits you. And when it does, it hits you so hard, and all you could do is find a place to hide and just let it out.

Last month, my cat passed away. He was my first rescue cat, and we were about to celebrate his birthday this month. When I watch him take his last breath, I felt lonely. This time grief is different to me. At that moment, instead of feeling nothing at all, I felt lonely. I felt that a part of who I am was taken away. However, I didn’t cry a lot. There were tears but, it wasn’t free-flowing. Now as I write this experience of mine about losing someone you love, I can feel my chest trying to stay strong as the past memories rush in.

Cat cayenne
Cayenne (2017-2019)

Fearing Death

Life is short. It’s what I realized when I experience losing someone I love. Thinking about that, I feel so scared of death more. Instead of trying to live life to the fullest, I’m actually beginning to think of death all the time. It terrifies me, I know that I shouldn’t let my fear control me but, what can I do? Sometimes I just want to stop myself from overthinking about it but, lately, it bothers me. Death, it must never be feared of. Life’s only given to us once. And I hope one of these days I’ll find the courage to live life and stop letting fear control me.

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