Since the death of my first rescue cat, I’ve been less active here on my blog. It’s not because the lost of Cayenne has been holding me back, although I haven’t grieve yet after his death. I was a bit overwhelmed by so many things. After the death of Cayenne, my first cat Pepper’s kidney started to become enlarge. It’s been almost three months since I’ve been spending most of my energy to get my cat Pepper back to her normal state. She’s acting fine aside from her lab tests that are not doing well. I have been changing vet’s lately because since Cayenne’s death (he was misdiagnosed), I find it difficult to trust. But I honestly, asked God to help send me someone who’ll help make my cat get well. I think He does send me someone.
For now Pepper’s taking medications for her kidney and liver, and I have been monitoring her diet too. I hope that she’ll get well soon because I want to go on adventures with her. She’s my life and my soulmate.
I just want to share what’s going on in my life and how I’m dealing with it. But even though a lot of things happened to me in the past few months, I am still looking forward to a better future. I’m trying to drag myself to create more, and to spend more time with my art. There are waves when I’m extremely creative, but there are times when I choose to pick up my phone instead of my paint brush. To be honest, I wanted to make a living out of my art because I want to leave my job to be fulfilled in life, but to sell my art in my country is not that easy. Not a lot of people here are often that much into buying local art, they prefer branded art or things, which is sad. I wish that people will support local artists, not only because it’s a kind act, but sometimes the best art are the ones people often neglect to look at.
Aside from I can’t make a living out of my art, I also am such an avid procrastinator. I keep on scrolling on Pinterest and on Instagram. I look at people’s art often, to be inspired or just to let time fly away. I hate that I am one of those people who’s too glued to their phone. To be honest, I hate myself for always having to check my phone when I am bored. I recently bought a new book, instead of reading it on my pastime I use my phone. I need to discipline myself on when I’m allowed to only use my phone or the internet.
Work has always been the same. Sometimes I’m happy to be there but often I hate it. I don’t know why, it’s not the people (or maybe sometimes), it’s not the workload, it’s just that I don’t like what I do. Sometimes I just try to think that at least I have a job that can sustain me and Pepper. Maybe instead of complaining I should be thankful while working on what I truly wanted to become.
That’s all I can share for now. I know this post is nothing, but for me it’s about my feelings. It’s about me expressing something in order to let go because let’s be honest, letting go of all that’s weighing you down is the only way to feel free. ‘Til next time!