God, What Happened?

This is a story based on my relationship with God. I learned about God at a very young age. No, we didn’t grow up being an extremely religious people, but we learned about God, accepted Jesus, and feared Him. This has always been the pattern.

quote from the book of John 1:1
God, the beginning and the ending. Made by Vanessa

My faith grew stronger when I was about to study for my licensure exam. I draw closer to God, maybe because I needed something, I thought. But my relationship with Him lasted until I went to medical school.

Slowly Slipping Away from God

In my third year of med school, that was the time everything changed. I prayed to God, but it seems to be routinary or out of a habit, and not because I want to do it. My relationship slowly slipped away when my family began to have financial problems.

There were times I try to hold on to Him, but I began questioning God why does He make me and my family suffer so much. This habit continued until today.

I do not believe in religion because, for me, it’s not what guides me. But despite having a shaky relationship with God, I have a strong belief that He truly exists. Despite having that knowledge or belief, I am the worst person to ask about God, and I will share with you how I treated God in my mind.

I pray to Him, even until today, but here’s the worst thing. Whenever I experience something bad in my life, I blame Him. I get mad at Him as to why He prefers to help others even though they are as bad as I am. When I receive something good, I thank Him for a little while, but not even giving Him the full credit. I am shamefully confessing my actions towards the Lord.

Today and Forever

Now, I decided to share this because I have realized one thing in life, that no matter how much I blame God, it won’t help me. I will only be slowly burning my soul in hell if I continue to do this. I think that it is better to start building my relationship with Him. And this time, I want it to be so strong that no matter what situation I am in now, I will never blame Him.

words from the book of Joshua 1:9
Hold on to the Lord. Made by Vanessa.

I want to learn to fully put my trust in God. I want to stop worrying and do my part, leaving all the rest in God’s hands. I want to have a wonderful relationship with Him all over again.

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